Grandma Wants Absolutely NOTHING To Do With These Newfangled Scooters You Hooligans Are Riding Around On

I’m not gonna lie, I stand with this granny 100%. And not because I want to smash, which I do, but because I can see myself in 50 years getting mad as hell at all the 12 year olds teleporting while I’m out for an old fashioned walk with my dog. All I’m trying to do is take Fluffy for a stroll to the park, and the damn kids keep leaving their teleportation devices on the sidewalk everywhere, it would drive me up my 80 year old wall.

Now, living in NYC, we don’t have the Bird scooters (or any of the other 10 brands popping up around the United States). But when I’ve been to other cities, I can see them been a pain in the fucking ass. What an incredible business model these companies have. They just drop 1,000 scooters on the sidewalks overnight on a city street, and that’s it. They don’t get permission, they don’t need regulating, they just dump em and leave. Charleston, South Carolina is one of the only cities with some sense and they were like “get your scooters the fuck outta here or we’ll throw them in the garbage”. And Bird bent the knee.

Full article here - The scooters arrived with little warning — no hype, no preview, no city approval. When day broke on the weekend, they were just there.

Several dozen of them, actually, scattered across the Charleston peninsula and West Ashley. They were parked around The Citadel, they were parked on sidewalks on the Westside, and they were parked around Avondale.

And before long, they were zipping around, whipping through the streets at 15 mph.

I mean people just leave these things everywhere. They whip in and out of traffic haphazardly. And boy do they look fun to ride around on while drunk, which I know people do, and which I and Barstool Sports does not support. But it happens…a lot.

That all being said, boy do I wish they replaced bikes in NYC. Being able to pick up a scooter on any ol’ sidewalk, scoot to work, and then just leave it out front? Sign me the fuck up. No pedaling, no physical effort at all, it’s the dream. An entire city just electrically scooting around like the the movie WALE, that’s the dream.

I don’t think it’d work in NYC though without docking stations that the Citi bikes have because…well…I don’t want to be mean or stereotype, but…ok…let me say this- we have a shantytown of homeless people currently living outside of Barstool HQ. Not like, 1 or 2, but an entire community. I don’t think NYC is quite ready to have people leaving scooters on every ol’ sidewalk. That’s just begging to be pissed on. Apparently it’s a disaster in San Fran and I could see it being a disaster here.

I walk 20 minutes to work and an electric scooter would get me there in around 5. I’ll just wear gloves and hope for the best on the ride. I’ll watch out for stray doors opening up in the bike lane that would possibly kill me. If we get scooters, it’ll be mayhem. But boy do I want em.